Not too long ago, we spoke with a young San Francisco native by the name of Winston Chu. For those who don’t remember (but honestly, how could you forget?), Winston regaled us with stories about strange, mystical objects wreaking havoc across the City by the Bay. He also told us about the mysterious shop owner who was responsible for not only unleashing these supernatural “whimsies” on the public but also “swapping his baby sister with a changeling.”
We all had a good laugh at Winston’s overactive imagination… at least until we started to suspect he was genuinely experiencing paranoid delusions. Unfortunately, Winston took off on his skateboard before we could get him the psychiatric help he so desperately needs.
Thankfully, his three closest friends and teammates, Cassa Kowalski, Bijal Vakil, and Maverick “Mav” McFee, have agreed to join us to discuss Winston’s most recent predicament. With their help, hopefully, Winston can achieve the clarity of mind required to seek out a professional.
Mav: Whoa! I’m going to stop you right there. Winston isn’t crazy. Everything he said was the absolute truth.
So, you’re saying it’s true that a shop owner named Mr. Pang trapped Winston’s sister in an inanimate doll?
Cassa: Well, yeah! But we already fixed that part and stopped Mr. Pang.
Bijal: Now we’ve got a bigger problem on our hands! It turns out that Pang has an even more powerful, eviller brother.
Mav: And his name is Mr. Gu.
As in Ned Gu? The extremely popular mayoral candidate?
Cassa: The very same.
But Ned Gu is an activist fighting inequality. He’s also an innovator who uses environmentally friendly solutions to combat invasive species.
Bijal: That’s what he’s brainwashed people into believing!
Mav: Because he’s actually a magical Javan magpie disguised as a human. Trust me, I know a lot about birds.
Cassa: And he’s using those new Community Hi-tech Units to swap people’s brains with bird brains so they’ll vote for him! And after he’s elected, he’s going to run for governor, and then president—
Bijal: And try to rule the world!
We’ll give you three credit for conceiving such a creative little story. But this is starting to sound like nothing more than partisan slander.
Mav: Didn’t you see what happened at his last political rally? The marshmallow peeps that bounced off his invisible forcefield?
Bijal: And all the innocent people who have started to act like kind of… odd?
Cassa: Our own lives have been affected by his black magic. Bijal and I were cursed to speak exclusively in Pig Latin just the other day. Do you know how annoying-ay it-ay is-ay o-tay peak-say ike-lay it-thay all-ay ay-day?
Have you ever considered the fact that you three, and your friend Winston, may just have too much time on your hands?
Mav: Are you kidding? We’re all extremely busy.
Bijal: We’re being 100% honest. I’m willing to bet my windbreaker on it.
Mav: No, you’re not.
Bijal. Well, no. But I did miss my audition for the school production of Aladdin for this. And you all know I was born to play that part!
Cassa: And I’m hamster-sitting for someone right now. It’s a huge responsibility! We even had to stop playing Zombie Infestation… at least for less than a few hours a night.
Mav: Not to mention that we’re all on the same soccer team with Winston. And the way we’ve been playing lately, we can’t afford to skip any more practice.
Cassa: Yeah, especially Winston. After the way he performed against Zander…
Bijal: In front of Dani, no less. How’s he going to recover from that?
Sounds as though Winston may be experiencing some social and athletic pressure. Do you think this may be the root cause of the mass delusions you four kids seem to be sharing?
Mav: The only thing we think is that this interview has been a waste of time.
Cassa: And that Bijal probably shouldn’t have brought up Inston-way’s rush-cay on-ay Ani-Day.
Bijal: Orry-say.
Mav: Wait! Look outside, you two!
Cassa: It’s KP!
Do you mean that hamster ball rolling down the street?
Bijal: Not the hamster ball. The Kitty Peep inside the hamster ball.
Mav: We have to follow it before we lose it again. The fate of the entire city is at stake!
Cassa: I told you guys we shouldn’t have stopped to talk to this person. Come on, let’s go!
Wait! Kids! Where are you going? We have so many more questions…
Well, that was… less than unproductive. We would at least like to take this opportunity to apologize for implying that Winston Chu is mentally unstable.
As it turns out, his three best friends are somehow even more deranged. Who would have guessed that junior varsity soccer causes so many head injuries?
Want to see more of Cassa, Bijal, and Mav? Be sure to pick up Winston Chu vs. The Wingmeisters.
